NICU's are tough

It's like an alternate universe in here. There are no windows and no real concept of time. It is both a time warp and time freezer. Some days I can't believe how fast they go, while others don't seem to end. There are constant alarms and beeps and cries and coos. Nurses and doctors whispering. Dazed parents sitting beside cribs looking lost. When I hear 'Response Team' called over the loud speaker and everyone quickly shuffle to the call (that is the call for resuscitation/emergency with a baby) my heart is simultaneously scared and sad for the baby and family, but thankful it's not Baby Thomas. When I see what battles some of these tiny little beings have to go through, I feel thankful that Thomas is doing so well and all his diagnosis isn't grim, which then makes me feel guilty or like we are imposters in this little world since we will get to go home and our little man is doing so so well. When I used to think about the NICU or even just about kids in the hospital, I would often wonder why parents aren't always right there all the time. How can they leave? How can they not be more involved? After having lived this life now for even a short period of time, I get it. It's hard being here. It's hard seeing your child hooked up to machines and struggling to get comfortable when there is nothing you can do. It is hard to feel like his mom sometimes because I can't hold him, I can't cuddle with him or dress him. Sometimes I feel like I have to ask permission to change his diaper. It is our job as parents to comfort and protect, when we are powerless to do those things it's hard to be there;  when you feel like there is a barrier between you and your baby it sucks the life out of you each day. So I get it. And really this is just another lesson that Thomas is already teaching me. Don't judge other people, especially how they choose to parent. You don't know what they are going through or how hard something might be for them. It is so easy to look at other parents and say 'I would never do that' or 'how can they be like that'. There is no right and wrong way to be a parent as long as you are doing what you are doing out of love. So I vow to not be as quick to judge those that don't parent the same way as we do, instead I will offer them an understanding smile that hopefully communicates, 'I get it and I see you doing what you need to do, both for you and your kid and you aren't alone'.