Silence is deafening

We have been living with the stridor for a few weeks now, so to have him be silent is eerie, at best. With his breathing tube in, he can't even cry. He literally does not make a sound. When he is mad he still thrashes and throws his hands around and opens his mouth wide as if to yell, but only silence comes out. He turns red and it is so obvious he is agitated, but not a peep. The dichotomy of yesterday at home and today in the hospital is striking. We often couldn't hold a conversation if Thomas was in the room because the stridor was so loud and now....silence, literally! It is such an alarming experience to go through all of this with such a young little babe. With the other two boys, I wanted them to be different and unique and for my stories and experiences with them to be so special and personal that it was like our own mark on the world, brand new! With Thomas, I crave similarity. I am constantly searching Evil Mr. Google for someone, anyone, to have had the same trouble and taken the same path that Thomas is taking. We need company on this, not because we are miserable, but because we are unsure. I need path finders in front of us to say where they went right and left and show us what map to use. When I come across some of these people, I want to soak them in and have their strength and knowledge ooze into us. We could use strength as we send him off for his second shunt revision in 24 hours....good luck little boy!!! Come back screaming like hell, please